if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
