yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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