My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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