Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
