exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
