Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
