I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
