True but thats because hes a fetus.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
