If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
