my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
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