how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
