After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
