so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
