I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
