I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
