FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
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Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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