Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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