I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
