We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
