I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
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If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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