I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
