im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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