we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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