Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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