I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
