Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
