I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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