She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
