she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
