Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
