he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
