I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
