She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
