I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
