once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
