not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
