So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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