I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
