I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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