I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
