So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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