I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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