Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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