So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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