Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
high people should be assigned attendants
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
