hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
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I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
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Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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