Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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