I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
can u get pink eye on your cock?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
