I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
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I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
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While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
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