Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
too bad you live with your parents still
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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