if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
