I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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