Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(313): View more from Michigan

Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that

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(619): View more from California

dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face

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(301): View more from Maryland

Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.

(1-301): View more from Maryland

I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.

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(501): View more from Arkansas

Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.

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(507): View more from Minnesota

I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)

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(719): View more from Colorado

Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.

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(631): View more from New York

He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?

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(443): View more from Maryland

so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.

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(407): View more from Florida

Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...

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