I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
