I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
