shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Randomize
