My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
