where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
