At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
